I recently volunteered at a writing workshop for kids. During the workshop, students were asked to use dictionaries to define a number of terms they were expected to use in their vocabulary. Students ranged from fourth grade to eighth grade. One of their vocabulary words was “fickle.”
A student looked up the definition, read it aloud to everyone and the facilitator wrote it on the board. Then another volunteer, who I’ll call Susan, used the word in a sentence. “Girls can be fickle when it comes to guys.”
She paused for a moment. “Guys can be fickle too. But I think with girls it’s really true.”
This is where I should have used the model of the Speak Up Guide to stop the conversation. I should have interrupted her and offered the perspective that what Susan said was a stereotype. Stating that girls are fickle about guys implies that girls just can’t make up their minds–that they are unhappy and always seeking something better–because it is in their nature. It’s also heteronormative.
But as the junior volunteer (it was my first time volunteering with the organization), I wasn’t sure how to speak up about this. I have trouble taking up that space–especially if I haven’t had the opportunity to rehearse why I dislike a word, term or idea being voiced.
The facilitator continued as though nothing had been said.
Both my lack of response and Susan’s use of the word "fickle" illustrate an important point. As educators, we come to any learning environment with biases. These biases come through in our teaching and can unintentionally harm our students. If we don’t speak up when we hear these biases coming out of our colleagues’ mouths–as happened to me–we at best condone them and, at worst, contribute to full-blown microaggression against students.
What I should have offered–both to Susan and to the workshop participants–were reasons why a girl might change her mind and asked participants to contribute to the list. I’d have started, “Maybe, for instance, a girl stops liking a guy because she’s learned something new and distasteful about him. Maybe he reminds her of her brother/cousin/nephew. Maybe she learned her best friend also had a crush on him, and she told herself not to like him because she valued her friendship more.”
Many scenarios are possible if girls are allowed to be complex creatures.
After the workshop–to keep things professional in front of our workshop participants–I could have explained to Susan that implying girls change their minds about guys because of something inherent in their nature unwittingly reinforces a patriarchal, sexist idea that women can never be sure of their thoughts and feelings.
If I had had confidence and practice to speak up, I could have helped dispel a gender stereotype–and we could have searched together for a less problematic illustration of the word “fickle.”
Clift is a writer and a substitute teacher with a focus on youth labeled with behavioral issues. She also develops and delivers programs for seventh- to 12th-graders in nontraditional settings.