"The girls glared at me. "She's just trying to act white," one said.
I remember those piercing but confusing words cutting me like a knife. I clinched my Super Reader certificate. My puzzled expression was taken as bravado by the African-American girls, who responded with a threatening question, “Do you want us to fix your face?”
I should have run but my first 10 years were spent learning lessons from an outspoken, sometimes scary African-American father who believed in never backing down. As my hands tightened into hammer-like fists, a shoving match began. Ironically it would be the start of a new and lasting friendship with my accuser. But what caused these girls to look at me as someone who was trying to become another race? Thirty years later, I’ve found some answers through my own high school-aged children and 20 years of teaching.
"Hey, white boy," a student yelled across the classroom to my son.
We’re not sure what triggered this statement. Was it his green eyes, or the fact he made the baseball team? Was it that he also played basketball and football? Or was it his striving to get A's in classes?
That statement was followed later by a litany of trash talk like, "Where’s your white momma?" And because my son is in advanced English, he’s "white and gay." Instead of stopping the class to address or even discuss the comment, the teacher ignored it. No friendships were created.
Now my son had felt that same knife cutting through him.
The reasons those within the same ethnicity turn on each other are rooted in our country's history, media influences and imposed and accepted stereotypes. This is discussed in Carlos Cortes' "The Children Are Watching: How the Media Teach Diversity." As a family we discussed and analyzed and even sympathized with my son’s tormenter. My daughter shared a similar experience but added a new twist.
"You’re whitewashed," a Caucasian classmate laughingly told my daughter. My child's goal to get straight A's was equated with erasing her race. My daughter replied sweetly, but with conviction, "You're just stereotyping because I am just trying to be me." An apology did nothing to stop the emotional pain.
"Blink", written by Maxwell Gladwell, explains how subconscious views can be powerful and influence decisions. Subconscious stereotypes can also impact a student's desire to achieve in school if they are not addressed as explained in Teaching Tolerance article, "How Stereotypes Undermine Test Scores."
I don't believe this is an overwhelming occurrence in the African-American community. But sadly, it does exist.
Many resources exist to help teachers plan culturally relevant lessons that address stereotypes by identifying and dispelling them. The danger, as illustrated in "Getting Past Stereotype Threat" and "Not Post Racial Yet" is that individuals in minority groups often accept stereotypes that are imposed on them. And those stereotypes are adopted as part of the culture.
If after three decades, we still are confronting the confusion of equating "acting white" with achievement, it means we have a battle to win. This battle will take place in the minds of our children. I'm putting on my armor and working to put an end to these hurtful messages.
Rucker is an elementary school teacher in California.